Take a dump in a cardboard box, mail it to us, and we’ll tell you if you have cancer!
You want me to what? That’s your business model? Who signed off on this? Was it a Shark Tank thing?
Pitch: You take a shit in a box. It’s called Shit Box.
Mr. Wonderful: I’m all in.
You could smuggle anything in Cologuard. Drugs, body parts. Ship it anywhere in the world. Nobody’s opening that up. Except the guy who works intake at the home office. He hates his job more than anyone. Every day is the worst Christmas morning of his life. I’ve been a good boy this year, haven’t I? Why Santa? Why?
If someone sent me a package filled with human feces I’d tell them they had cancer out of spite. Yeah, you’re gonna die in like ten minutes. Right after I murder you, sending me a pile of crap.
I really feel for the mailman. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of—Is that another box of cancer shit? Fuck this. I quit.
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