My Subconscious Mind Is Screwing Me Instead Of Ms. Bernard

I had a dream the other night that I was talking to a giant and we were saying how lucky he was that no one could ever punch him in the face because they couldn't reach that high. That was the whole thing. He seemed really nice.

I usually don't remember my dreams, but if I do it's always just me sitting around talking nonsense or eating a sandwich or something. My most erotic one on record was like ten years ago and it was about Crystal Bernard from Wings. It's kind of sad that my best sex dream was about somebody named Ms. Bernard, and it's even sadder that we barely made out the whole time. We were sitting on a blanket having a picnic outside and I was asking her about the show, which was weird because I didn't really watch it. I think we messed around for a little bit, and then we ate some fruit. And not pomegranates or whatever symbolic sex food people put in poems when they say how juicy it is after you break the skin. This was more like "Fucking a Crystal, have you tried these nectarines? They're delicious!" She seemed really nice too.

I read somewhere that you can influence what you dream about by concentrating on something right before you pass out, but so far I haven't been shot out of a cannon into an enormous coconut cream pie, and I've never played cards and smoked cigars with chimpanzees either. I guess you have to wait until heaven to do that kind of stuff.

In the new dream I'm trying to have I'm driving a clown car really fast into a brick wall while Bon Jovi's Bed of Roses is playing on the radio, but instead of an airbag there's a huge boxing glove that comes out of the steering wheel on impact. I want to hit the wall just as Bon says "With an ironclad fist, I wake up and French kiss the morning" and then wham I get knocked flying out of the car and I'm laid out on the ground. I'm not sure what happens after that. I'll let you know.........Paul

Comments

[Patrick]

Wow. I wish I had some of that whacky tobacky that you put in your smokes. At least Crystal wasn't your fuzzy lipped auntie **shiver**. Were you a clown in one of you past lives? I think there is some kind of recurring theme here, speaking of subconscious. Cheers...........Patrick

[Jessica]

Thank you. Reading this post has already brightened my day. Especially since i just bit into the core of an apple and found a moldy little paradise. Anyway...I have found my most erotic dreams come when I masturbate right before falling asleep. You should try it.

[Spencer Dewispealere]

masturbation was always the key to true happiness.